Daycycle 116 [ November 13 - November 26 ]

[computerized]

daycycle 116

[Nov 13 - Nov 26]

[OOC Plotting for this Daycycle can be found here.]
[The Charity Ball Entertainment post is here.]
[This DC has been extended through 11/26.]

Early Morning [0800 - 0900] — All Troubleshooters Report for Duty

No Special Troubleshooters have been selected for a mission this morning.

---

Morning & Afternoon [0900 - 1600] — Service Firm Positions
All Troubleshooters not assigned a mission should report to their Service Firm for their daily duties, unless specifically assigned a different shift.

Matt Murdock's office will be assigned to defend the most recent Specials accused of treason. He will not be allowed to contact the traitors directly, but he will be given the task of preparing his cases. He has 48 hours to prepare.

Jack Harkness has been selected to plan the entertainment for tonight's Charity Ball, thanks to the popularity of his performances during the Alpha Talent Show a few days ago. When he asks The Computer for help, several specials are assigned to him. Izzy Lightwood will be his event planning assistant and "Stiles" Stilinski will assist in MCing the night's event. Due to their popularity, all Specials will be approached about being auctioned off for dances in order to help raise money by Jack, Izzy and Stiles. They will also be asked if they're willing to take part in specially planned choreographed dances. Dance lessons will be provided for those that require them during the afternoon hours.

---

Evening [1600 - 2200] — Citizen Improvement
All Alpha citizens are encouraged to better themselves through Alpha’s wide variety of educational, entertainment and cultural opportunities offered each evening. Attending these sanctioned events are not mandatory, but is highly encouraged by The Computer. Citizens choosing not to take advantage of these opportunities, have a growing number of other options available to them in how to spend their hard earned credits and free time.

Tonight’s event will begin at 1800 at the Alpha Museum of Fine Art and will be hosted by The Humanists Alpha Society for the Arts. Tickets to the event are 1000cr and can be bought up until an hour before the event begins. Attendees have been given special permission to wear Old Reckoning clothing for this event only, as long as it is the same color as their clearance level. Specials may notice that many of the Alpha Citizen's outfits have gotten key parts of Old Reckoning clothing wrong, with buttons instead of sequins, for example, or men wearing ties that are much too long and go to their knees. Alpha's Very Special Forces will be present to ensure the safety of those attending.

An entire wing of the museum has been cleared as a makeshift dance floor. In an attached room there are several tables covered in white tablecloths and set with the crystal and china that usually only graces Violet citizen tables. Along the wall is a massive buffet made with real food and including an elaborate ice sculpture. There is a bar in the corner where Alpha's finest spirits are being disbursed freely. For the first hour, the focus is on the food and mingling. The music playing is calming and instrumental. There are some that steal the dancefloor for a slow spin, but the majority of the attendees seem reluctant to move away from the buffet.

And then at approximately 1900, Jack Harkness will take the stage and begin the evening's real entertainment.

---

Alpha Curfew Restrictions
All Alpha citizens should be in their quarters within the Wagon Wheel by 2200, unless they’ve been given permission from a GREEN or higher clearance level citizen. Sleeping Aid gas is dispelled each night in the Wagon Wheel at 2200 to assist citizens in getting a productive sleeping period.

Confession Booths
There are hundreds of confession booths available around Alpha Complex if a citizen would like to communicate directly with the computer. Please use these confession booths to report mission statuses, report treason or terrorist acts, unregistered mutants, confess your trespasses against Alpha Complex, request propaganda or speak with Your Friend, The Computer, at any time.

Comments

Open | Throughout the day

[sanguinescry]

morning

Today is the day of the Charity Ball which Lydia wishes she could say was her suggestion to her fellow Humanists, but can only claim to have fueled the fire by encouraging it and promising the other Secret Society members that she'd do her absolute best to make as many Alphas, Special and otherwise, want to attend. So when she gets up in the morning, Lydia takes care to wash her hair especially early so that it has time to dry and look decent without having to be pulled back by the time she heads to the morning briefing. She's stopped hiding in her corner behind the pillar, instead leaving that for the few Specials she's shown the spot to who might want to be there. Instead, Lydia is at the front of the group, feigning as much dedicated attention as she can muster up to fake for them as they make their announcements.

She wastes absolutely no time getting to True Alpha after the meeting and she doesn't open right away, instead filming a quick video announcement which she posts without any encryption to the network. It's the most terrifying thing she's done in recent memory, because everyone can see it...and that means she's effectively invited her attackers to come right to her and she knows it. Any Special who knew Lydia when the A.S.S. first formed and shot their horrible video message; any Specials who know her especially well now and are aware that she was the chosen victim of the attack meant to prove their point of just how unwanted the Specials were — oh, how times have changed — knows it, too. But she holds herself with a confident, carefree, and maybe a little bit excited demeanor — real clothes, though. — so anyone else will be none the wiser. She just has to hope that the rising popularity of the Specials and the (hopefully) decently sized group of people that should arrive to help and to be styled will keep her safe.

Once the video's up, she goes ahead and opens the store, spending the rest of the morning running her sale and hoping like hell that nothing bad happens. Today is supposed to be a good day. She really, really wants it to stay that way.

afternoon

Lydia has a quick lunch before slipping back up to her room in the half hour break she's given herself in the day. There, she draws her hair up in its style for the night to get it out of the way; that way, there's one less thing to worry about later. She figures it's best to give herself some wiggle room to get ready, just in case the time she's officially allotted to help style people for the event isn't enough. If enough people show up and not enough volunteer, after all, it will be. Lydia won't need long to get into her dress, but if her hair is out of the way, then all she'll really have to worry about tonight is getting her makeup done.

Then, she heads back to True Alpha to reopen it, not for business but, as promised, to style. She's set up a few chairs she's dragged in from the main part of the Commissary and lined them up at the front of the store so that women can sit, get their hair done, and go. Elastics, bobbypins, and hairpins are laid out on her desk to be used at will by volunteers and Alphas alike.

evening

Once the last person she's got time to help style leaves the store, Lydia closes down True Alpha again, buys her ticket into the Charity Ball, and heads up to her room once more, this time to get her dress, makeup, and perfume to take down to HQ. She'd rather get ready the rest of the way with her friends because maybe she's an entrepreneur and maybe she's dating an older man, owns a business, has risen in the ranks at Alpha Complex, but she's still a nineteen year old girl who didn't get to go to her senior prom. This is as close as she's going to get and it's the only time she'll be able to get ready for a dance with Allison again. One last hurrah, and all that.

Lydia and Gucci the Petbot make their way down to HQ with a backpack bursting full of samples from the store, makeup she made and didn't sell to the Free Enterprise jerks with the crappy business proposition, and her dress carefully folded over her arm. Lydia slips into a bathroom in R&D just before heading the rest of the way to HQ, changing into the dress since there's nowhere really to change in privacy in HQ. She'll be found there around 17:00 doing her makeup and reminding herself that this is for the Humanists and after everything is said and done, she's a lot more likely to be able to turn a Special or two so that she can finally officially complete her initiation with the group and be a true member of it. Everything is going to be fine.

charity ball

Never one to blend into the crowd when she's got an opportunity to shine, Lydia took some liberties with her gown. Gold is the same as yellow, isn't it? Sure it is. She'll be heading up from Specials HQ shortly after 18:00 — obviously she has to be fashionably late, what kind of savage do you all take her for? — and will spend a portion of her evening with the highest bidder. The rest of the night, she can be found flitting back and forth between friends and acquaintances. She'll be schmoozing any fans of her products — or of her, since that's apparently a thing here now? — and any time she isn't, she'll probably be found with Matt.

[preemptiveforgiveness]

Matt actually doesn't see Lydia until the ball because he's been working on preparing his case for some of the people recently accused of treason. He only has a finite amount of time and he'd actually taken a lot of it back to his room. He'd had his assistant transcribe everything onto his PDC so he can work on it later tonight in his room.

Despite being busy, he wouldn't miss this ball for anything. He knows Lydia is excited about it and he'd actually seen her in her dress before he had the implants taken out so he has an image of her in his mind, but he's anxious to see her tonight. Without his vision, it's harder to find Lydia, but he stays visible and trusts she'll find him.

Morning

[runsonwater]

Barry sneaks out of the forensics lab to grab some coffee and makes a point of stopping by Lydia's new store. He isn't quite prepared for the buying frenzy that is happening when he gets there, however and has to pardon his way up to the front counter among countless Infrareds, Reds and Yellow jumpsuits.

He waves to get Lydia's attention and waits patiently for her to finish ringing up a customer before raising his eyebrows in greeting. "Is this Alpha's equivalent to Black Friday?"

[fateless]

After helping Lydia at the shop, Allison had sat off to finish getting ready for the ball as well. As silly as it is to have a ball in this kind of environment that they find themselves in, it doesn't change the fact that it brings a sense of normalcy in a way, and Allison is actually pretty excited about it. Maybe it's the actual teenager in her, the one that never got to have a prom to go to, and it may be silly but it doesn't change how excited she actually is for this thing. Sure, the having to stick with dresses corresponding to her clearance level had been annoying at first, but she had managed to find something she actually liked.

By the time Lydia arrives, Allison has already been there for a few minutes. She had been glancing around, just taking everything in and thinking that for this being an underground complex run by a Computer, this isn't all so bad, but when she sees the familiar face she immediately gravitates towards her.

"Hey," she greets her best friend with a bright smile on her face. "You look gorgeous, I love the dress."

[satnalahcsauoyekil]

morning

Zatanna is up early and ready to go, excited about the idea of being able to get this fugly jumpsuit off for a night and wear something that makes her feel like a freaking girl for a change. Zee misses feeling pretty. Doesn't every girl when denied the opportunity to look her best? Today is going to feel like it drags on forever, she knows it, but she gets up early for breakfast, having taken her shower the night before, and maybe the food is usually crappy but it feels like it tastes just fine today. That's almost definitely just because she's so excited for the Charity Ball later.

She hangs in the back during the morning meeting, but she does go. She also goes straight to her troubleshooting station. Today, Zatanna is going to be on her best behavior so that she doesn't get herself arrested or something stupid before she can finally get out of the stupid jumpsuit. This is like being old enough to go to prom, isn't it? She's not screwing that up. No. Way.

afternoon/evening

Half of the reason that Zatanna got up early for breakfast was that she could eat enough to last her most of the day. She'll grab dinner later, but there's set hours on getting her hair done at Rob's friend Lydia's store and Zee's not going to miss the window because Artemis and M'ghann aren't here and she wouldn't have the slightest clue where to begin trying to do her own. Zatanna typically wears her hair down around her shoulders or, occasionally, pulled back in a ponytail. But this is a special occasion and, okay, maybe secretly she's hoping that Robin will find a way to sneak in.

After getting her hair styled, Zatanna quickly buys her ticket and then heads back to her troubleshooting station to spend the rest of her shift there fidgeting with anxiousness, barely able to keep from quite literally bouncing off the walls with her excitement. It's almost time for her to be able to feel like a normal human being again for a few hours and she can hardly stand the wait.

At the end of her shift, Zee heads to the Commissary for dinner and there's a spring in her step on her way to Specials HQ from there after changing into her dress in her room as a pit stop on the way. If she sees Robin, she'll have to ask him if he's coming and see if she can maybe plead her case to get him to consider trying. Otherwise, she'll just be hanging around down there, half because she can and half because...well. She doesn't know which room is Alcide's and this is the only place besides the Commissary that they both know for sure. She's sort of hoping he'll come down here to get her, but if he doesn't, she can head up to the ball without him and just...wait awkwardly outside and hope not to be stood up. Not that she thinks he'll do that! ...but, well. Teenage anxiety.

charity ball

Not only does she get to look pretty for a change, but there's freaking food. Real food. In a buffet. And she sees REDs just like her having right at it without so much as a question. She'll be easy to find because she'll be making plenty of little trips to the buffet throughout the night.

Oh...ohhh, the fact that they're serving alcohol indiscriminately is not lost on Zatanna Zatara, either. Zee's never been allowed to drink; she's too young to drink back home. But apparently, that's not a thing here. Her father, Batman, Red Tornado; everyone who has ever been in charge of her is gone. If she's going to be at this thing; if she's going to be stuck in this stupid place forever, she might as well make the most of it. Why not treat this like a prom in the movies? Drinks, food, a handsome date way too old to be a romantic entanglement bringing her so that she doesn't feel like a loser, but affording her the opportunity to go off with Robin if he comes, or be available to any particularly attractive other Alphas she happens upon. ...her standards may drop as the level of her inebriation rises...

[rouxgaroux]

Alcide has to admit that having actual food to eat is the best part. He's a big guy. He eats a lot. He also drinks a lot. So really, he wouldn't mind spending most of the night by the food and drinks tables with Zee as long as she's happy here. Tonight is, for the most part, about Zee being happy. And in that regard, he's willing to give in to most things unless he just flat out starts feeling out of place and silly.

Also in the vein of making sure Zee is happy to be here with him and not at all embarrassed, he's gotten himself suit. Initially, he'd planned on just wearing the jumpsuit. But now... well, he guesses he looks alright. They had to make the suit new because of his broad shoulders and broad... well, everything, and here he is.

He's just finishing off his third beer when he's eyeing the food table again. Luckily, he and Zee seem to be on the same page in this regard. "I dunno about you but I kinda wanna commandeer a whole tray of those cream puffs." The way they melt in his mouth and aren't overly sweet but just a little sweet is kind of fantastic.

[stillplaying]

Considering the last time they talked, it had been in the commissary, it's kind of amusing that when Katniss encounters Zatanna again, it's by the buffet table. She's been eyeing the food for a while now, wanting to eat it and still not feeling trusting enough to actually create the overflowing plate that she really desires. She is eating again - extremely small quantities of soylent - but for the most part, water still seems like the safest choice.

And given her last (and only) experience with alcohol had been so negative, she doesn't make any move towards the drinks. That's fine; food temptation is bad enough.

When she notices Zatanna standing next to her, Katniss offers a small smile in greeting. She remembers how bubbly the girl had been the last time they had met and given that, she opts to leave it up to the other girl to start a conversation. It seems a lot easier than starting with a lame 'hi' again.

Charity Ball

[dorkify]

At some point during the night, Gracie approaches Zatanna with a smile. She's got her own bubble drink (she's never been a big drinker) and she's stuffed herself on all the real food. "Hey," Gracie says in greeting. "You're Zatanna, right? I'm a friend of Alcide's. He was telling me I ought to meet you. Also, your dress is gorgeous."

Gracie has spent a good deal of the evening dancing with Cisco, but she's also eaten a good deal of food and browsed through the items on auction. All in all, she's having a great time.

Open | Evening | The Ball

[whattingawhat]

Most of Buffy's day is spent being anxious about the Charity Ball. She's volunteered to be auctioned for a part of the evening for a good cause. The last dance she'd gone to had been her Prom and it had actually turned out pretty nice even if it had started a little rocky. Her dress for the evening is simple, but it's got a high enough slit she can fight in it. This was always a concern in her former life and she figures that it can't hurt to be ready to fight here as well. She's wearing heels as well, because she's short and she doesn't care or know where the heels came from, she's just happy about them.

When she's not with whomever won the auction, she'll spend it on the dance floor or mingling with her friends. She's in high spirits, but that doesn't lessen her awareness. She's never been to anything like this that went well so she's suspicious that this will. She'll be happy to dance with anyone that asks politely and grabby hands will not be tolerated.

[rouxgaroux]

Alcide would argue that there's nothing simple about how Buffy looks tonight. She's beautiful, elegant, and probably way too good for him. For the better part of the evening he's eyeing her across the room, well aware of where she is and who she's with at any given time, but being sure not to look at her if she's looking his way. He doesn't want to be an obvious stalker, just your normal every day wolf-like stalker. Watching without his prey knowing he's watching.

Somewhere in the middle of things, when Zee is busy with someone else, he finally makes his way over to her. While he'd initially thought to just wear the jumpsuit, he'd decided against it in the end for Zee's sake. Zee is young and his best friend here so far. He doesn't want to embarrass her, or anyone. So he's wearing a tailor made suit that fits just right over his broad shoulders. He's a little uncomfortable in it, but that's okay.

"Hey." He says, approaching her from behind. "You look... nice." Better than nice. And maybe the way his hungry eyes take her in says that. But he doesn't want to overdo it verbally. He's trying so hard to give her appropriate space while deep down he wants to follow her around every-damn-place.

[stillplaying]

Suspicion is something that Katniss has in spades tonight. Unlike Buffy, she doesn't hide her suspicions all that well. Katniss has made it clear form her arrival (maybe even before then) that she doesn't want to be here. Prim is the only person she'll lie to about that and even then, she knows that her sister will see right through her. But the point is that for Prim, she's trying. For everyone else, well, she can't bring herself to care.

But Buffy isn't exactly everyone else. At least, she's not part of the horde of unfamiliar Alpha faces that seem to fill the hall tonight. They've talked a few times and although she still doesn't entirely know what to make of the girl, Katniss knows she isn't so bad. So when she encounters Buffy at the buffet table, although she can't bring herself to smile all that easily tonight, Katniss does offer a simple, "Hi."

...It's a start?

Open | Throughout the day

[namegenerator]

morning

Before the morning meeting, Cisco goes to buy tickets for the Charity Ball so that he doesn't forget or run out of his time. He's promised his roommate Prim, who has only been here a day or two, that he'll buy her way in because she can't afford it. Cisco doesn't make a ton of money right now, but he makes enough and he hasn't spent many, if any, of his credits to this point, so he's got plenty. Who is he to deprive the poor kid of having a good time on one of the only nights since he's arrived that it's been allowed legitimately. Those stupid Citizen Improvement events are just that. Stupid. This is kind of cool, though, especially since they're doing it to get donations for the Bot Processing section of the R&D Sector to be rebuilt. It's the least he can do. He'd liked that job while he'd had it. It feels good to be able to do something positive for it in the wake of the last awful experience he had in that part of the sector.

He'll grab some coffee, remember what the coffee caused last time and promptly dump it, and settle for a Bouncy Bubbly Beverage for breakfast while he sits through the morning briefing. He's in especially good spirits because he and Gracie are going to the Charity Ball tonight and, look, he likes to pretend like he's a real ladies man, but Cisco's never dated a ten. Lisa was like easily a nine, but being a bad guy kind of takes her down from ten. Gracie, though? He's excited to spend the bulk of his night with her.

afternoon/evening

At work, for the first half of the day, it's generally fairly quiet and he's putting the finishing touches on the cold gun that Tony helped him finish. If it works, then they're in business and he can start mass producing them for Specials. By tomorrow, he should be able to start running tests on the thing, but when Lydia closes for the day, Cisco takes the opportunity to head back down to Specials HQ after lunch. He's trying to help Stiles better organize his board so that the guy can start putting pieces together and Cisco's hoping that the project will be helpful for moving them one step closer to finding out how they got here and, subsequently, how to get back home.

charity ball

About an hour before the ball, Cisco heads back up to the Wagon Wheel and takes a shower, shaving and pulling his hair back into a ponytail before getting dressed. He cleans up nice, if he does say so himself. Once Prim is ready to go, Cisco will escort her down and then he'll meet up with Gracie, he hopes, to spend a little time with her before the auction starts and he has to fulfill his end of the deal. He's not super looking forward to it, but at the same time, he's not dreading it, either.

The thing is that Cisco's met a handful of other Alphas who aren't Specials, between work and his mission with Stiles to protect Gabi after the whole mutant registration debacle. They're, largely, not that bad. And Cisco is a friendly guy. He's open to spending time with anyone who wants to spend time with him tonight. Plus, heck yeah booze and real food for a change!

The Ball

[dorkify]

Cisco cleans up very well. Gracie watches him from across the room for a moment before approaching him. Her cheeks already hurt from smiling so much, but she's not complaining. She has to force herself not to run across the room to Cisco because her dress is not a running kind of dress. Once she reaches him, she reaches out to run her hand along his lapel.

"Hey, Handsome," she greets him.

Open | Throughout the day

[duelo]

morning

While most people are probably looking forward to today, Derek is not one of those people. He wakes up alone after having fallen asleep with Katniss, for one thing; not a great way to start his day. Admittedly, in spite of the fact that he fell asleep drugged out of his goddamned mind when he'd had to be subdued in the Commissary earlier the previous day, it's the best night's sleep Derek's gotten in longer than he remember. Waking up to a cold other side of the bed started Derek's day off on a bad foot, but he pushes on because what else can he do?

In addition, Buffy's talked him into taking her to this stupid Charity Ball, even knowing he has no interest in being there for many, many reasons. But she gave him the puppy eyes. What was he supposed to do, say no? Doesn't work that way when pretty girls give him puppy eyes, regardless of his interest or lack thereof in them romantically. It's a secret he'd like to keep but doubts he'll be able to for a whole lot longer, but he's always been a sucker for pretty girls giving puppy eyes. He can't help it. So he guesses he's going to this stupid thing after all.

At the morning meeting, he's his usual surly self, but he keeps his composure anyway because he is not looking to be pumped full of more bullshit drugs against his will for acting out. He'll be a good little Alpha. For now.

afternoon/evening

Derek spends the afternoon just getting through the day the way he does every day, like it's nothing special because, to him, it isn't. A day that started out lonelier than he's willing to admit and is going to end at some crappy dance where he'll be surrounded by the creepers who post in that secret forum someone keeps forwarding to the Specials every week.

He's quiet at work, but as pleasant as he can force himself to be, as per usual, and when he finishes his shift, he heads to the Commissary for dinner before retiring to his room to read until Buffy forcibly drags him out of there for the event. ...translation: gives him the puppy eyes again. Yes, he's bought the stupid ticket. Yes, he's gotten himself some Reckoning clothes, and yes, he expects it but some little part of him is hoping that maybe she'll forget. Or take Alcide and leave him out of it. No such luck.

charity ball

He likes to think he looks better when he puts a little effort in and if Buffy's going looking the way she does, the least he can do is not look like a freaking slob when she's on his arm. Once he gets there, though, the buffet of real food is enough to get Derek pumped about being there. He's not all that interested in the festivity itself, but alcohol that can actually have some effect on him and real food that he can look at and identify on sight rather than that nasty goddamn soylent? Yes please.

At some point, he'll have to spend some time with an Alpha who, for whatever reason, paid to be in his presence instead of just coming to his service firm like a normal person, but he's willing to do it because he's being given an offer he kind of can't refuse. So it is what it is.

He'll be in high spirits between the alcohol and the food, so for the most part, Derek's pretty approachable throughout the night and will be happy to indulge anyone who asks, so long as they're not a dick about it, with a dance. He'll be a lot less discriminate as the night wears on and he gets a little more alcohol in his system, because Derek is a lightweight. Usually, he could drink a bar out of business and never feel a thing, so this is kind of new and different for him. It's worth enjoying himself if he's got to be here, isn't it?

Open | Throughout the day

[whattingawhat]

Buffy is in pretty high spirits as well. The real food is a part of that, but she really likes looking like a girl and not wearing something that has a zipper down the front. It hasn't actually occurred to her yet that the alcohol is going to have an affect on her. Derek can introduce her to that idea. Right now, she's just about the food and the chance to have a normal night.

"So do we hit the food first?" she says as she takes stock of the room.

[stillplaying]

It becomes surprising easy to spend most of the evening alone, her scowl scaring away most of the Alphas that she doesn't know. That her sister is off having fun is all that really matters tonight. Prim is dressed up, finding people to dance with, and has the kind of smile on her face that someone her age should have. Her sister doesn't have the same memories of the Victory Tour that color parties like this and Katniss is grateful for that. Grateful that despite everything, her sister's remained innocent.

But Prim isn't the only one she watches tonight. There are very few people here that she's become protective of but like it or not, somehow Derek's snuck in there. She tells herself that it's because he's been so protective of her and that's true. He's taken better care of her than Katniss has probably taken care of herself. She owes him. But at the same time, she doesn't want to ruin his life by inserting herself in it. That's what she generally does, isn't it?

So she watches instead. She notices that he arrives with Buffy and remembers Buffy's warning not to hurt him. Is there something between them that she somehow missed? Regardless, she does her best not to interfere. Besides, Derek probably doesn't want to see more of her than he has to. She had left him this morning without saying anything. That had been something they seemed to ignore during their work shift. Probably for the best. And the last time they had danced...

She is a little surprised when he's willing to be auctioned off. Mostly, Katniss is surprised that there are so many people participating in that auction. It reminds her too much of the things Finnick had said, and of the fate she could have had if the Hunger Games and the uprising had played out differently. Maybe that's why she quickly grows annoyed at the Alpha that wins him. Or the way she seems to be taking full advantage of the money she paid. Either way, in the matter of seconds, Katniss finds herself beside the pair and taps on the woman's shoulder. "I'd like a turn."

Open | Throughout the day

[preemptiveforgiveness]

Morning

Matt is very aware of the ball tonight, but he's got a big workload. Lots of people have been arrested for treason and yesterday had been a wash since he'd had the vision implants removed yesterday. He spends his morning working with his alpha assistant, dictating notes for her and having her read things out loud to him. He is experiencing a little bit of a loss because while he never adjusted to the vision implants, there were things about them that he appreciated (like being able to see Lydia). Despite the adjustment, it's a productive morning for him.

Lunch & Afternoon & Early Evening

In the commissary during lunch, Matt has his sunglasses and his walking cane again. He eats a bit, but he's still thinking about work and even the ball tonight. He eats quickly and heads back to work to get some more done before he heads to his room to take a bit of a nap before the ball. He's lucky, unlike the girls, all he needs to get ready is to shower and to shave. When he's finished, he still has that stubble that he always has. He's been dressing himself blind (and tying a tie) for years so that doesn't take long.

Charity Ball

Matt is dressed for the ball. He's got his sunglasses on and his walking cane. He's in a good mood. It's been an exhausting day, but a good one. He knows by the noise in the room that there are a crowd of people here, and he's glad to see that people turned out for this. He suspects the draw of something actually, potentially, fun has a lot to do with it, but it supports a good cause regardless. Much of his time is spent with Lydia, but when he's not with her, he'll spend his time on the outer edges of the room. He's not up for auction, but he'll be happy to dance with anyone who asks politely.

[adamparrish]

Adam remembers Matt from before. They'd gone on a mission together and while the color of Matt's suit is a reminder of his status here in Alpha, he still remembers Matt was a decent guy who had been just as curious about what they found on that mission as Adam has been. Maybe there's also something to be said for the fact that Adam doesn't think Matt will be able to see his messed up face.

They're both here at the ball thing, Adam mostly because groups of people are safe and Ronan wanted to come. Adam has a question for Matt in spite of it maybe not being the best setting for it, so while Ronan is getting a drink, when Matt is close by, Adam steps closer to him.

"Hey." He says. "I don't know if you remember me. We went on that errand together awhile back. With the car. Adam... I'm Adam."

Open | All Day

[stillplaying]

Morning

It's early when she wakes up but not any earlier than the time she normally wakes up in her own room. The big difference between those other nights and this is that, for once, Katniss actually feels like she got some sleep. The nightmares had been there - that she won't ever doubt - but come morning, she can barely remember them. Instead she's more aware of arms holding her tight and a warm, hard chest behind her back. She's safe (or as safe as she can be, as safe as she'll ever be). That makes a difference. Derek isn't Peeta (no one will ever be Peeta) but he had trusted her during the night not to harm him. He had soothed her fears away as he lulled her back to sleep.

And like the horrible person she is, she doesn't wake him when she slips out. His roommates are back and that means that Katniss can't stay there. She quietly and carefully slips out of his arms to hopefully make it back to her room before any of her roommates wake up.

Afternoon

Her sister is still here. Knowing that. seeing that, makes all the difference in Katniss' behavior. With minor exceptions, she continues to act the ideal citizen She even eats a little soylent during her meals (just a little, just in case her food is still spiked with drugs). Katniss goes to work and does her job to the best of her abilities (which still isn't very well) and doesn't ignore Derek. Not really. Then again, she doesn't exactly make much of an attempt to talk to Derek either. She should but she's awkward and uncertain in this kind of situation.

Not a good person. Never a good person. But at least she has a chance to protect her sister again. Maybe things can work out differently this time.

Evening

Katniss doesn't want to be at the ball. If it weren't for Prim insisting on going, she wouldn't be there at all. She has no date and no interest in having a date. She has no desire to participate in the auction or to dance with anyone or even eat all that much (being still wary of the food here as a whole). Most of all, she doesn't want to be wearing the dress that she's wearing. The initial shock of seeing it in a store that afternoon hasn't yet worn off. But if the glitches are memories, she refuses to let anyone else dare wear the dress. She doesn't know how it got here and she doesn't know why but it had cost Katniss a good chunk of her credits. For Cinna, for his memory, it had been worth it.

She does her best to find a corner where people might not notice her. It's a corner where they might not notice her but she can keep an eye on the room. Prim occupies most of her attention and if anyone gets too friendly with her sister, she won't hesitate to interfere. But she also watches other people in the room. She watches them have fun ( a little enviously) and wonders how they've adjusted so easily to this place. Now that she's not drowning in her pain, now that she's not drugged with happiness, she's starting to think a little like her self again. It might be the setting, and the horrible reminder of the Capitol, but she can't help but wonder how much of a game this really might be.

Definitely not party friendly thoughts.

[rouxgaroux]

Alcide came to this shindig tonight with his closest friend. At some point, he's left playing wallflower for awhile, which is fine. Zee is having fun and that was the whole point of tonight. She'd really wanted to come and she didn't want to come alone. Hence, Alcide's being here and not back in his room away from everyone and everything. Lone wolf. He likes being alone sometimes. He's even dressed up for the thing.

He notices another wallflower at some point. She looks so serious and thoughtful. Alcide has to wonder what's going through her mind. Did someone upset her? Did someone piss her off? Does he need to kick someone's ass for upsetting a pretty woman? Cause he could do that thing if it's needed.

When she finally looks in his direction too, the corners of his lips pull in a small closed-mouthed smile and a lift of his chin in greeting. "Penny for your thoughts."

Open } Throughout the day

[dorkify]

Morning

Gracie is running at double and triple speed today. She's beyond excited about the ball and it shows in her morning broadcast. She trips over her words and talks too fast. Not only does she get to wear a gorgeous gown, it's her first date with Cisco. On top of that, she's never been to a charity ball before. She spends the rest of the morning putting together video broadcasts of various sorts.

Lunch & Afternoon

At lunch, Gracie is far too excited to really eat much. She does have a Bouncy Bubble drink (because she needs more energy) then spends most of her afternoon talking to others about the ball, interviewing them about it. Honestly, talking to everyone, specials and alphas alike, is one of her favorite parts of her job. She takes off early to head to True Alpha to help Lydia out with makeup and hair for everyone. She makes up people and does hair with the same excitement that she's been doing everything else that day.

She does her own makeup at hair while at Lydia's shop as well. She pulls her hair all over one shoulder and ups her makeup game from a simple cat eye, to a cat eye and red lips. Once Lydia tells her to go, Gracie rushes off toward her room to get her dress.

Charity Ball

Gracie arrives at the ball just a few minutes after it starts. She loves her dress and feels a little like a fairy tale princess in it. She can't keep the smile off her face as she walks into the room. She looks for Cisco early on and she'll stick with him a good part of the night but the buffet with real food is super exciting. She's going to make sure and hit that up a couple of times before the night is over. She's up for auction for a portion of the night, but she'll be pleased to dance with anyone who asks nicely. She's going to dance as much as possible and enjoy every, single minute of this night.

[rouxgaroux]

Anytime Zee is distracted by something else, Alcide gravitates toward familiar faces. Sure, some of the night finds him standing on the sidelines by himself as he and Zee are here as friends and while he keeps a close eye on her just because that's his protective nature when it comes to his friends, she's free to do whatever the hell she wants. So is Alcide.

When he spots Gracie, of course he's going to go over to her to say hello. They have a pretty good friendship forming too. And while he and Gracie aren't quite where he and Zee are, Alcide wants to nurture that friendship and see where it goes anyway. Plus, he's already kind of feeling that protectiveness over her too.

Dressed up for the night in a suit, he makes his way over to her to say hello. "So, Goldilocks. You here by yourself, or...?" Just out of curiosity.

adam parrish | ota - (and possibly Ronan too)

[adamparrish]

After a stop in the cafeteria for breakfast (minus the coffee, which he still can't bring himself to start drinking again), Adam Parrish spends most of his day on the ground on his back or hunched over the hood of a vehicle and covered in the grease and grime that comes with working on the motorized transport vehicles that make Alpha a better place to live in. He works all morning and well past time when he should have stopped. Most people have already left for their apartments when he finally clocks out.

He grabs a late lunch and eats it on his way back to his apartments to take a shower and get ready for the charity ball, which Ronan of all people has convinced him they should go to. It's something good, Ronan has said. It's something normal, Ronan has said. And given the advice of Parker, that crowds of people are safe, Adam is inclined to go of his own accord as well.

The attire for the night for Adam is simple. Adam isn't one for overdressing. He doesn't much care for suits. And about an hour into the charity ball his necktie will be loosened and the top button of his dress shirt unbuttoned to give his neck room to breathe. The cuts on his face are healing, the bruises a strange purple-yellowish color now. He'll be close to Ronan at all times, not quite ready to be on his own yet. However, there will be times when Ronan is distracted by beer or food that people can get Adam alone. Otherwise, be prepared for both boys being together.

[fictor]

Ronan has no fucking idea why he wanted to come to this thing; Oh--yeah, because he's the fucking romantic in this relationship. Also, he gets to see Adam dressed up, and a little bit that Adam gets to see him dressed up. He actually shaved for this so he's clean shaven tonight and his head has been recently shaven. The hooks of his tattoo peek above the collar of his tee shirt. He sticks close to Adam, usually with a hand on his wrist on the small of his back, but he does make regular stops at the bar and for food. It's been so damn long since he's seen this much real food that he's in danger of stuffing himself and Ronan isn't really much for food in general unless it's a pizza.

"This is better than some weird fucking puppet show," Ronan says as he watches people filter in and mingle around the room. He's wary and defensive, but he's sipping at a glass of something alcoholic so that'll help him relax a little.

Open | Throughout the Day

[runsonwater]

Morning/Afternoon
Barry spends the majority of his day in the Forensics Lab trying to catch up on the work that has managed to pile up in his absence and with Lydia's departure to greener - or yellower- pastures. He can be found there buried under paperwork and lab samples until the clock strikes 1700.

Lunch [Closed to Felicity]
He makes a point of escaping his mounting tasks in order to walk down the hall to Encryption. He hasn't seen or heard from Felicity since returning and he can't help but think that has something to do with Oliver's disappearance yesterday morning.

He can only imagine how she's taking that. It doesn't help that he has to say her name twice once he reaches her cubicle and still doesn't get an acknowledgement. He moves a little closer, reaching out to put a hand on her shoulder. "Felicity?"

Afternoon

[withstyle]

Izzy's feeling invigorated, and not in the spiked-coffee way, for once. Party planning has always been something that she has excelled at, so being assigned to Jack to help for the day is easily one of the best possible scenarios that she could have been put into here at Alpha. It also means that she's got a jam-packed day, rather than a struggle to fill her time in her morgue and lab.

Win/win, right?

It isn't normal for Izzy to make her way outside of the lab in the hospital, though she has heard of the other forensics lab around here, and yet here she finds herself! Though, it isn't science that's lead her here, instead it's the party that she's helping with. Her morning has been full of activity, but as she passes the lab (and the individual pouring over paperwork) she can't help but stop a moment. "Barry, hey!" Izzy doesn't hesitate in approaching him, making a bit of a sympathetic face at the mountain of paperwork that he's trapped under. "Still catching up, I see?"

[OOC; if you're not feeling this or if it's not cool let me knoooow!]

Open | Charity Ball

[im_ironman]

Even though Tony spent many years being the life of any party he deemed worthy of attending, as he walks into the charity ball, he almost looks as if he would much rather be anywhere but here.

To be fair, though, charity balls had always been one of those necessary evils that he never quite learned how to enjoy. Sure, some were fun sometimes depending on the woman (or man) that he'd spend his time with after making the necessary appearances, but for the most part... All of this reminds him of a part of his life that he isn't all that sure he even misses. He misses Rhodey, and Pepper, and Happy. He misses his houses, his bots, and his cars. He misses the freedom of being able to do whatever the hell he wants without being watched. But stuff like this - the social obligations and the weight that his name carries? He definitely doesn't miss that. At all.

Which, that part is actually refreshing; to be able to arrive and not have a hoard of paparazzi trying to drown him with the flash from their cameras. Tony always knows how to turn on the charm, he learned from a frighteningly young age how to hide any discomfort so that the public could only see the smiles and the charisma he seemed to ooze, but god he hated all of that most of the time. Scotch helped to numb him out from most of it, but now that he doesn't have scotch to drown in, at least he doesn't have to deal with the press trying to get shots of him.

He would still much rather be working, though. Ever since his conversation with Steve yesterday morning, Tony's mood had settled somewhere between cranky and down altogether, seemingly too focused on his work at Lydia's shop to even give himself breaks (and yes, he has most definitely been avoiding HQ as well), but since he had said he'd attend the ball... Well. Here he is. His hair has been styled back, and for the first time since arriving in this place, he actually doesn't hate his clothes. the suit he's wearing is something he doesn't mind wearing, and the tie at least covers most of the glow of the reactor, so that's a good thing in his book. He knows he'll probably be dancing for a while, if someone bids on him for it, so until that moment he kind of keeps to himself for the most part as he tries to just...focus on literally everything but the thoughts that keep running through his head.

[sanguinescry]

While this Charity Ball is not about Lydia Martin, by any stretch, tonight is her night to shine. Tonight is her night to bask in the attention that comes from being a Special; something that she hadn't realized had a positive side until recently. The Humanists having organized this event and Lydia's place in that group, is probably more than a little at stake. If there ever was a day to capitalize on recruitment, it's tonight. She's got a shortlist of people she intends to approach about it.

Tony Stark is one of those people, although her plan is not to approach him in the swing of the thing, but rather perhaps tomorrow in the afterglow of it. The Alphas seem to like him a lot. They seem to like Cisco, too. Gracie is another Lydia has her eye on.

Weirdly, Derek is another on her list, as well as his roommate, Alcide. More the latter than the former, for varying reasons, but needless to say, while some of the other Specials have been reading the chat logs with amusement or abject horror, Lydia has been using it as a gauge. The teenager has never been particularly politically inclined, but her affiliation with the Humanists does lend itself to a political slant. The Humanists are all about the humans taking control of the Complex and edging the sentient Computer out of it as an end game. More over, there are pleasant undertones of taking care of one another. Recruiting the right Specials will grab the interest of the other Alphas who are already members. Word will spread slowly and quietly. Recruiting her friends like Stiles and Allison are a move to keep growing her bubble of protection and stay within her comfort zone while also trying to find ways to bring more power to her secret society because, if you ask Lydia, of the ones she was approached by before the surge of new Specials, the Humanists were the only one whose message was overwhelmingly positive and she felt she could identify with that. It goes without saying that the Humanists are the only secret society that Lydia thinks could ever really make this place livable, if they're all really stuck here, and she's not above playing the game to help them get there.

So seeing Tony coming into the ball, Lydia smiles and starts to move to him. She might not pitch tonight, but she's absolutely going to try to plant a seed. Subtly and gently, but all the same.

"Well, look at you," she greets, looking impressed. "Somebody cleans up nice when given the chance," she adds playfully, holding her arms out for a hug in greeting. Lydia sees Tony every day the way she used to see Barry when she was still in forensics, but it doesn't change the fact that she's grown fond of the guy. There are some parts of him that remind her a lot of Sheriff Stilinski; there's a feeling of safety there and Lydia likes that. She likes Tony. He's good people. This one might not have recollection of their work together before, but it hasn't deterred him from giving her a chance this time around. That's enough for Lydia.

Open! Come ask him to dance!

[pretendtoneedme]

Clint... is impressed, really. He's doing a pretty good job of hiding it, but he is impressed. Of course he'd explored Alpha, scoped the place out, and seen they had some pretty nice areas scattered around, but a lot of them were level-restricted to Greens and ups and he wasn't sure they'd do something this fancy for the lower ranks. Throw them a party, maybe, but probably something like an open buffet line in the normal commissary, not crystal chandeliers and the opportunity to wear real clothes.

While the original plan had been to wear a set of (extremely comfortable) red pajamas to this shindig, reluctant common sense - and a near-argument with Allison, who seemed a lot more "in tune" with fashion than he'd ever cared to be - had shifted Clint's sartorial finery in a much more "usual" direction. He'd still eschewed dressing up as much as he possibly could, though, which would be absolutely no surprise to anyone who'd known him at home (he'd come to most of Tony's parties wearing flannel, after all), but the PJs were just too big a risk in the "fuck you, Computer" department. Too standing-apart from everyone else. Significantly more likely to land him in trouble since he'd be going against the herd in a much more major way, especially after Peggy's arrest since he is - was - her coworker. But he'd put his foot down at a suit of any kind, with the results being a return of his usual flannel ways and a pair of well-fitting, but not tight, black khakis and solid-but-not-clunky black boots. He doesn't look fancy, but he thinks he looks all right. Pulled together, at the very least. Not disrespectful. Just someone who expects to do a lot of moving through the night and wants to be comfortable doing so.

As one of the ones reluctant to pull away from the buffet line, he can be found there for the first while, eating until he's comfortably full and then mingling as part of the crowd. After awhile, he'll move out into the more open spaces, looking for people to talk to and trying (and succeeding) to look more interested in being there than he really is. He might even be dancing sometimes, part of a deliberate ruse of showing the Computer how happy he is with all of this.

Hey, at least they get free food.

[fateless]

When Allison spots Clint, she doesn't even hide how pleased she looks at the fact that her fashion choice won out for his outfit. She understands the sentiment he wants to send across, and sure, the pajamas weren't terrible. But flannel works just as well when everyone else is wearing suits and ties, and well he just looks better like this overall.

Unlike Clint, she's not making a statement with her wardrobe; hell, she had been more than happy to wear a dress that actually fit her, unlike the terrible jumpsuit she always feels like she's swimming in. It's part of the reason why she looks actually content as she walks over to Clint.

"Love the shirt," she comments with playful innocence, as if she didn't have a hand in picking it out.

After the ball... [closed]

[im_ironman]

[ ooc: some time after this ]

After a few more drinks, Tony essentially stumbles out of the museum, liquored up to the gills, but it's not like he really cares. There's a brief moment where he looks back towards the door, contemplating on staying only because there's more booze he hasn't consumed just yet and clearly he's not drunk enough if he's still standing, but he can't do it. He can't stand even the idea of being in the same room as Steve anymore. He can't see him smiling, or dancing with others. He can't be there when he dances with someone for the 'last dance,' especially considering he had helped him practice, and Tony almost doubles over when he realizes for the millionth time just how damn stupid he had been. 

But no, stupid isn't a good enough word for this. Because apparently Tony didn't have enough with letting Steven Grant Rogers break his heart once in a HYDRA bunker in Siberia; apparently Tony is enough of an idiot to let himself think that he could have actually--

"Maybe later … we can try out those dance moves you taught me. See if they’re any good."

Tony's breath catches in his throat, making him feel as if he's choking, but he lets out a sound as if it's supposed to be a laugh while he walks. Because it's laughable, isn't it? How could he have thought that Steve would actually feel anything for him? Not only that, but how could he have been so stupid to actually let himself feel anything for Steve? Even if no one would probably believe it, up until Siberia, there had always been a sense of admiration towards Steve. It's one of those things that Howard had all but embedded into his son and sure, it could have probably been considered a sort of crush, especially when he was younger, but it never felt like this. Ever since he and Steve have been trying to repair their friendship, for some goddamn reason Tony has found himself gravitating towards him in a way that he hadn't before, and now

And now it feels like his heart is in a million fucking pieces. The alcohol is helping to numb himself out to some degree, but it's not enough to stop that sense of suffocation from making him feel like he can't breathe. He wants to call Rhodey; he wants to get into one of his cars and drive away; he wants to just fly until he can't remember anymore, but he can't do any of those things. 

Worst of all, he can't forget. He can't get out of his head the way that Steve looked at him. The way he was speaking, the way he suggested an actual dance. The way he didn't even flinch as Tony reached for his tie, other than to tell him that if he was going to pull on it then he should... 

He can't forget the way he peeled away, as if realizing what he was doing. As if he had finally come to his senses, and had managed to cut Tony at his knees just by pointing out that he should go. The memory is enough to make his chest ache, as if the pain is more physical than anything else, but other than briefly massaging the spot next to the reactor as if that will make it go away, he doesn't stop walking. The anger, the frustration, the self disgust - it's all propelling him forward, far away from the fucking ball, no matter how sluggish his body feels. 

It's not until he reaches the waterfront that he stops, but only because he has to. His body is swaying, the open air amplifying the effects of the alcohol, and god, he feels sick. It's hard to tell if it's from the impending hangover or if it's just at himself, but he leans against one of the railings and stares blankly out at the water. 

If he jumps in, would he be able to just disappear and go back home? There's a moment of temptation that has him grasping onto the railing as if he's ready to fling himself over it, but he doesn't. Somehow he manages to stay in place, almost too quiet and still, but it doesn't last long. As he stares out at the water, he starts to hit his left fist against the railing, his movements almost robotic. It's slow at first, barely a tap that almost resembles a sort of anxious tic, but as everything that happened plays in his head more and more, he hits harder and harder. He probably looks deranged, but he doesn't care. It's the last thing he's thinking about. Especially when he finally hits hard enough for a sickening crack to fill the air around him, and the pain that explodes along his hand is enough to pull him out of his thoughts. 

In some sick way, though, as he looks down at the way his hand is now shaking, it's almost satisfying to feel that pain. It's a distraction, in some way. And he caused it, rather than letting someone else hurt him all over again, and for now that's enough to calm him at least for a moment. He should probably go to Medical Services and get checked out, but he doesn't bother to walk back; instead, he just lowers himself to sit on the floor, staring out at the water as he rests his broken hand on his lap. 

Maybe if he stays out here, it will finally clear his thoughts and he can get rid of the weight that is making it hard to breathe. 

Maybe if he wishes it hard enough, he can finally go home before he has to wake up and live with this all over again.

Late, late evening. Closed to Natasha.

[a_man_out_of_time]

When he takes those first steps away from Tony, despite how quickly he walks, Steve feels heavy, like he's lugging around a sandbag stuffed to the seams with questions he can’t answer and certainties that he can’t ever obtain. He also can't shake the feeling that he's teetering precariously, and that he's in imminent danger of losing something — maybe that something was Tony, or maybe it was himself. But he has to shake this. The night isn’t over for him. These people, all of them, are relying on him and the rest of the VSF to keep them safe tonight, and if because of ... whatever this is now, Steve gets distracted or drops his guard and a bomb or shooter gets through, he won't ever be able to forgive himself.

So Steve does what he always does when he’s at an impossible impasse with his own emotions. He compartmentalizes and marks it as something to process another day. Because right now, he can’t afford to abandon his post, physically or mentally. So he forces himself to be fine, literally willing into existence a sense of calm and normalcy that shouldn’t be there after what he’s just felt for the first time.

It just means that sometime later — maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week — it’ll come rushing back, probably when he’s alone. When it happens, he’ll probably forget how to breathe, he won’t be able to sleep, but to Steve … that feels like no price at all, if he can keep going now. He knows how this goes because he’s done it before, every time he loses a soldier, or a civilian. And if he can do it then, he sure as hell can do it after a confusing conversation with Tony. It feels almost easy, when he thinks about it from that perspective.

His auction, his first dance, going back on duty, announcing the raffle, going back on duty again, dancing with whomever asks, and finally, pulling a name out of a hat. It feels never ending as he’s being handed off from one person to the next, but Steve smiles and nods and listens to everyone. Why wouldn’t he, when there’s absolutely nothing wrong?

A few times that night, he catches a glimpse of Tony from across the room and his eyes follow that red suit to the bar, and he keeps looking because Steve just wants to make sure that Tony's-

-what? That he’s okay? or that the bar’s still open and they’re letting Tony get yet another drink?

A lot of people have seen Stark drunk before, but Steve isn’t one of them, and the more drinks he sees Tony knock back, the more worried Steve gets. At some point, the concern is almost enough to propel him across the room. He wants to grab Tony by the arm and tell him to stop drinking. That he’s had enough liquor for one night. That if Tony’s doing this because of something he’s said, he should know that he isn’t worth the trouble.

But he can’t do it. He can’t risk getting that close again. Tony will be fine, he tells himself. He'll say something to someone, and Tony … Tony has always been absolutely fine without him.

In the end, Steve’s caught between feeling like the night goes on forever, and that it’s gone by too fast, because when he actually leaves the Charity Ball, his feet carry him quicker than he intends them to. He can already tell that it won’t take a week, or even a day for his body to force him to feel what he’s been neglecting. Hell, apparently it’s going to happen right now, and he needs to be somewhere else when it crushes him.

When he’s back at the Wagon Wheel, instead of getting off at GREEN, Steve keeps going until he exits on the outdoor track attached to one of the highest floors of the building. The view at night is breathtaking, especially after curfew, but Steve isn’t here for that. He’s here for the solitude, for the cold air, and for the relentless wind he’s counting on to pierce his skin.

He’s not ready for this. But at least he can be alone when it happens.

As soon as the door closes behind him, Steve walks to the railing and suddenly, he has to grab it just to keep himself from shaking. His next inhale is sharp and clipped short by a sudden feeling of panic.

What’s wrong with me?

His fingers go to his tie, tugging it loose and undoing it after all the people who felt compelled to touch it today without so much as asking. When he finally pulls it off, he stares at it for a moment before wrapping it like gauze around his right hand. What Steve would give for a punching bag right now.

But he doesn’t have one, and Steve can feel his eyes starting to blur.

As much as he doesn’t want to, he can still remember it — the moment he’d imagined how it’d feel to taste the alcohol on Tony’s lips. It hadn’t really been hard to come up with a flavor. It’s idiotic, but Steve couldn’t imagine Tony as tasting anything other than sweet. And god, he’d nearly leaned in and kissed him. How the hell is it even possible that a desire like that could sneak up on you? Unless-

Unless it hadn’t. Steve laughs, as he wipes away the moisture in his eyes with a finger. He sees and feels it now, all his childishness and foolishness. He did this to himself. It’s no one’s fault except his.

Friendship, that’s what he’d told himself he wanted. That’s why he tried this hard to make things right, and if he was being fair, that’s how this all started. All he’d wanted was to make up for breaking Tony’s trust, and for keeping from him who killed his parents and why. To do that, Steve started paying attention to Tony in a way he’d never done before — bringing him coffee, giving him a place to rest, making him real food to eat. But it was really their circumstances here that made him look at Tony differently for the first time.

Steve had never actually imagined there would be day in which he and Tony would switch places in the world. That he’d have more money and a bigger spotlight and Tony would be trying to blend in and work silently for the good of the cause. It was a humbling experience (and that was putting it lightly) because frankly, Steve had never thought that Tony could do it. Live without the fame and fortune. But not only was he doing it, he didn’t crack jokes, he didn’t whine, he didn’t even complain, and day by day, Steve realized that beneath all the money and charisma that Tony liked to hide behind back home, there was a person beneath it all that he’d only seen glimpses of before. And as Steve felt his feelings mixing and re-arranging, he’d built a wall around himself, and with each day, he’d cemented one rationalization after another that yeah, friendship was what this was all about.

In retrospect, the idea that everything he felt was simply friendship was laughable, a theory that could be pulled apart as easily as cotton candy. But now, while he can refuse to think about it, Steve can’t deny it any longer. He wants to push and shove what he’s feeling into the furthest corner of his heart, but if there’s something to shove to begin with, then the feeling is already real. Undeniably, unmistakably real.

God, he sees the allure of wishing that none of this was. He can imagine how it’d feel to wish this was some kind of mistake. To wish that somehow, he’d been drugged again and that just maybe, this feeling is just a blip on the radar and that come tomorrow, the waters would be clear once more. In a way, being able to wish those things would have been it’s own kind of morbid relief. At least then, he’d be able to know that he doesn’t want this — and that he doesn’t want this so much so that he’d be willing to deny reality to do it.

But he can’t. He doesn’t want to wish it all away, and the thought makes Steve so angry at himself, because then what the hell does he want? Why had he walked away? What was he so damn afraid of?

His hands are gripping so tightly onto the railing now that his knuckles have turned white. The wind is picking up and it’s cold, and Steve closes his eyes and laughs in frustration because god, even feeling cold reminds him of Tony. But before he can even recover from the images of that memory, he feels a sharp sense of shame impaling his chest.

There’s a difference after all, between knowing what’s right and coming to grips with yourself.

Growing up in alleyways of the 1930s and 40s meant Steve saw a lot of things, including hate crimes, not that they’d called them that back then. But he saw people getting beat up for a lot of reasons, sexuality being one of them. What’s wrong with you? he'd hear someone yell, before the fists rained down, and Steve had always been too committed to righting every wrong he’d ever witnessed not to interfere. That usually means he got beat up too, for telling someone to stop. But that stopped him from interfering again, and again. He always got back up.

The hard part back then, was what came after. When someone would thank him for trying, and he’d tell them he was “Just tryin’ to do what’s right.” And “C’mon, let’s get you outta here.” Everyone deserved to be safe, but Steve never did anything past that. The government had told them that being attracted to someone of the same sex was an illness. That it was something that you were supposed to go to the doc for and recover from. It wasn’t until after battle of New York that Steve had learned otherwise. That back then, the government had gotten it wrong and that hell, they might have even made it all up to begin with.

But that part of it — the part where Steve believes that everyone deserves to be who they are, and to feel safe and treated with the decency and respect — that’s not what’s up for debate tonight, nor will it ever be. That belief isn’t what’s making him so mad.

No, not mad, furious. And that anger starts with the fact that suddenly, he feels small and wheezing and weak, like he’s laying bloodied in the back of some alley wondering why God made him this way. Whether he wasn’t good enough to fight for his country. Whether he really was a mistake. And he’s struggling, struggling so hard to get up, to stand his ground, but this time, there aren’t any bullies to fight.

There’s just him, and he’s delivering the beating to himself this time.

Ha, Steve laughs when he realizes it, swallowing as his eyes start to blur again. It's not being weak that makes him angry. It’s the fact that he can see the right path — hell he can even see the righteous path right in front of him, and for some stupid reason, he can’t take it. In his head, Steve knows there’s nothing wrong with him. That this isn’t his fault. That god, this isn’t even a fault , and that he shouldn't doubt himself, or doubt his friends by doubting their reactions.

He inhales quickly, a silent sob escaping his lips as just a breath of air.

There really is a difference after all, between standing up for what’s right and accepting who you are. Steve’s spent his entire life doing the former. He has no practice when it comes to the latter. And try as he might, Steve Rogers isn’t perfect, even if that’s what a lot of people want to see when they look at him.

There’s a moment of calm when everything seems to stop. His thoughts and his heart are calming down, so tired from the race they’ve been running against each other, and Steve gets a chance to just close his eyes.

All his life, he’s just been waiting for the right partner, simple as that. Waiting, not looking. Maybe it's a little old fashioned, but Steve has always believed that when the right person came along, he'd be able to tell. Even if it would take him a little while.

It just never occurred to Steve that that person might be Tony. Someone who’s been right in front of him this whole time. Something clicks, in the back of his head when he thinks of it like that, but that puzzle is meant to be solved another day. Today, he’s shaking his head, brow furrowed, eyes still closed and hands still gripping onto the metal rail too forcefully. There’s a reason why his original plan was to wait. Steve doesn’t have the time or the interest to go looking for love. In the grand scheme of things, his own personal feelings are just background noise, unimportant in the light of everything that’s bigger and more deserving of his attention. And that’s where his attention needs to be right now. He’ll give himself the rest of tonight, and that’s it. He can stand here and die in the cold for all he cares. Come tomorrow, he’ll walk death off, and get to work on breaking those four Specials out of that damn prison.

[missromanova]

Of course she's going to follow him.

Natasha isn't naive. There are throngs of people back home who believe that the team - what was the team - is invincible. Men made of iron and stone, a woman carved of diamond. Solid. Strong. Faultless.

She's too wise to believe the same. Or perhaps despondent. Maybe Natasha is just broken, but whatever the reason is, she doesn't believe in those types of miracles. Natasha doesn't believe in heroes, because no matter how strong or fast or agile someone is they're still human, even when they're biologically not. They're vulnerable to the same human traits as everyone else, like envy or anger. Like pride.

Like love.

Natasha had spent so much time trying to convince everyone else that she was invulnerable to love that she actually managed to believe her own lie; the number one mistake to avoid. When one begins to believe their own lies that's when their true vulnerabilities show, and that's what happened to her. She believed her own lie, so when she saw someone who could be kind, and caring, and an escape from the terrible things she did in her past - the terrible things she knew were still to come - Natasha was blindsided. She had everything aligned, her own redemption was right in front of her if she just focused, and then she went and fell in love and threw it all away. The pursuit of happiness was paved in raw exposure and when she reached the end of the road she realized that she had shown her true face to someone who never wanted to meet the woman behind her cracked, porcelain mask. That wasn't Bruce's fault. That was hers. She's the one who fell in love. And Natasha knew better.

It was nice, though, that feeling. Waking up to a thought that wasn't who she was and what she had done. Going to sleep at night was easier when she was lulled off with the memories of someone else's smile to comfort her. Thinking about him meant that she had something to think about other than herself, and in the end maybe that's what Natasha loved the most. Not feeling like Natasha.

The point is that, in the end, she finally understood. Love isn't for children, it's for those who are able to be themselves when they're alone but are better when they're not. It's for people who need a reason to wake up in the morning, because when Natasha had that it was the first time she truly understood what it meant to be alive. She doesn't have it anymore, and she wishes that she never did, but she understands. She'll never view love as something fleeting ever again.

What she didn't - doesn't - understand in love, however, Natasha makes up for with her very deep and personal comprehension of pain. Everybody has something that rips them to their very core and makes them question their own worth; Natasha questions hers every day. It's her one ultimate secret, that when everyone else is trying to figure out who's side she's really on, Natasha herself is having the same battle. She doesn't know who's side she's on. In the end, she doesn't really believe that she's capable of telling the difference, so does it truly matter? Everybody has those battles, perhaps not to the same level but warring within oneself is another trait that comes with being human, and nobody wants to believe that the morality of a hero is gray. Natasha doesn't think that Steve is a hero. She doesn't believe him to be immune to any of the nasty things human nature has cursed upon both of them, and that's why she sees him as a friend.

That's why she follows him. Not because she can see the look on his face and believe that he's okay, but because she can see the look on his face and know that he's not.

Her dress flows silently behind her as she walks briskly after him, keeping enough of a distance to fall into the shadows if she has to. Her heels are silent on the tile floors, a skill that she perfected before the age of twelve, because god help any girl in that room who didn't. He's distracted, she can tell already, because no matter how good Natasha is at stealth she knows how to recognize someone's attention coming to focus, and his mind is elsewhere. She could be speaking to him and he probably wouldn't even realize it until several moments after, and that concerns her even more than the look on his face.

She stops far enough away to watch him get on the elevator and make his way up to GREEN and then... past. Natasha assumed that she would just confront him in his own apartment but apparently that's not the case, and she has to watch carefully to count just how many levels past his own he goes before she gets on the second elevator and presses the corresponding button. She suddenly realizes just how much trouble she could be in, wearing a very red dress and traveling so high, but security is focused on the gala tonight and Natasha's feared for her safety in situations much more dangerous than this. Something is going on with him, and she'd approach him about it now if she wasn't sure that doing so would make him shut down. She knows him. He'd smile. He'd tell her that he was fine. That he just needed fresh air. He'd lie, and Natasha can't hold that against him, because who is she to hold judgement?

When she gets off she lingers, watching him walk ahead of her and disembarking from the elevator right as the doors begin to close before following him to the outdoor track where the wind ferociously tears its way at her hair and gown. She keeps steady, watching from a distance until she finally sees it, and when she does Natasha has to grip at her own stomach when a knot of anxiety starts to form. He's breaking. She knows that he's breaking, because she knows what that looks like.

It really is pathetic, how, in this moment, Natasha relates to him more than she ever has before. Hero or not, Steve has always seemed so above her, so certain and so good. Of course he feels pain and of course he wars with himself but not like she does, surely. How could someone so genuine with so little secrets relate to the sort of self struggle that drives them to crumble in solitude? For the first time, Natasha realizes that, perhaps, she's not the only one on the team who knows how to wear a truly convincing mask. She's not the only one who broke the first rule, and believed their own lie.

At first she doesn't do anything, because Natasha isn't Steve. She doesn't know how to be good, and in times like this she's expected to be too human. Providing comfort makes her feel too vulnerable, and she's not deluded into thinking that he'd know she was ever there if she turned and left right now. Something in her doesn't allow it, though, because Natasha knows what it's like to wake up and be alone. She knows what it's like to open your eyes and find that the world around you has changed, and everybody is different. Nobody knows you. Perhaps nobody could have related to her when she experienced that moment, but Natasha can be the person that she needed. She can be that person for him.

When she walks it's with a strange sort of grace that keeps her steady on the track beneath her despite the wind. Her dress seems to cling to one side of her body while flowing freely from the other, as if trying to rip it's way from her because the illusion of tonight has ended. Feeling normal and in place at the gala, has ended. This is where they are now. This is what this place has done to them.

Her hair flies into her face in pieces, half of it falling out of the carefully placed bobby pins that she was so particular about earlier in the evening, but she doesn't care anymore. Who is she putting a face on for here? Not for Steve. He knows how ugly she is, how truly ugly she is, and a little part of her has hated him for it. Now she's glad, because she's not approaching him as a flawless masterpiece, but as a friend, and he could only know that if he knew how ugly she is.

When she reaches him she says nothing, and simply stands there at his side until he's ready to acknowledge her. It's when he doesn't that Natasha acknowledges him instead, and she reaches out a hand to place it on his white-knuckled grip on the railing. He's panicking, she can see it in his eyes and tense jaw, and Natasha doesn't know what's going on but she knows what she has to do because she knows that type of panic. It's not logical. He can't be talked down. It can only pass. Natasha tugs at his fingers to guide his grip into loosening from the railing that he clings to, and instead replaces it with her own grasp so he still has something to ground himself. It's a slow process, removing him from the rail, but she manages to get both of his hands off and that's when she guides him to sit down; right there on the track. She sinks with him, sits with him in a puddle of red fabric, and before he can protest Natasha's smaller form wraps around him, arms circling in a tight embrace around broad shoulders.

One of her hands moves to the back of Steve's head and she pulls him in, not asking him but forcing him to rest his head on her shoulder and his weight on her body, because she knows - god how she knows - how much this man needs to let go of that weight. Delicate fingers thread through his short hair and in a rare show of true affection her lips press against the top of his crown in a soft kiss that lingers, lipstick be damned. It's all she can do. Hold him close. Ground him. Make him realize that he's not alone. She waits patiently, and when his objections don't come hard and strong, that's when she speaks with a voice close to his ear, audible for him despite how quiet it is beneath the wind.

"Breathe with me. Whatever is going on in your head, I'm here. Whatever is happening and whatever it is, you're not going to be alone. You'll never be alone here." It matters. It's what she's always needed to hear. Maybe it's what Steve needs to hear too.

She repeats.

"Breathe with me."