She's getting good at that, isn't she? Asking him the kind of questions that hit him right in the gut. It's something that she did when they discussed (or not quite discussed) that kiss. It's something she's doing now. But it's a lot easier than actually trying to think things through for herself. What if she can't let go of the past? The Computer could have made it easy. It could have gotten rid of those glitches from the very start. But it didn't. Nothing in her life could ever be so kind.
Really, she's grateful that he doesn't sugarcoat it. That he doesn't try to lie to her or try to make the truth seem better than it is. Does Derek realize how similar his story sounds to her own? The only difference is that she doesn't miss being the Girl on Fire or the Mockingjay or any of the titles that had somehow gotten assigned to her in the past couple of years. She doesn't miss being in the spotlight. Being in the spotlight had become too synonymous with getting people killed.
"I don't have a home to go back to," she mutters, frowning as she talks. There's so much about her life she doesn't want to share with anyone and yet again, she finds herself sharing with Derek. Because he gets it. Because he had opened up and shared with her. "It burned to the ground cause of me."
They could rebuild. Now that the war is over, will people go back and rebuild? Katniss has no idea. Is there any reason for her to go back anyway? It probably would be better for all of them if she didn't. If she forgot them, if she just started new here, it could be safer for everyone left behind. For Peeta, even for Gale.
"It's not just Prim I got killed," she continues, the severity of her frown increasing. It's easier to scowl than let herself cry. Derek's ridicule isn't what she's afraid of. She's afraid that the rest of Alpha will see her weak. "Panem is better off without me. The war's over so they don't need me anymore. All I do is get people killed. More reason why you shouldn't care for me."
no subject
Really, she's grateful that he doesn't sugarcoat it. That he doesn't try to lie to her or try to make the truth seem better than it is. Does Derek realize how similar his story sounds to her own? The only difference is that she doesn't miss being the Girl on Fire or the Mockingjay or any of the titles that had somehow gotten assigned to her in the past couple of years. She doesn't miss being in the spotlight. Being in the spotlight had become too synonymous with getting people killed.
"I don't have a home to go back to," she mutters, frowning as she talks. There's so much about her life she doesn't want to share with anyone and yet again, she finds herself sharing with Derek. Because he gets it. Because he had opened up and shared with her. "It burned to the ground cause of me."
They could rebuild. Now that the war is over, will people go back and rebuild? Katniss has no idea. Is there any reason for her to go back anyway? It probably would be better for all of them if she didn't. If she forgot them, if she just started new here, it could be safer for everyone left behind. For Peeta, even for Gale.
"It's not just Prim I got killed," she continues, the severity of her frown increasing. It's easier to scowl than let herself cry. Derek's ridicule isn't what she's afraid of. She's afraid that the rest of Alpha will see her weak. "Panem is better off without me. The war's over so they don't need me anymore. All I do is get people killed. More reason why you shouldn't care for me."