Frowning slightly, Derek gives a slight jerk of his chin. "Yeah, you and me both," he says bitterly. "But not everyone has that as a default setting." He imagines that the INFRAREDs, like he and Natasha, are used to being dispensable, but the other Specials, maybe not so much. Derek's used to being treated as though he's important when he's needed and being ignored — at best — when he isn't, so this isn't much of a change for him, but he can see that it weighs on some Alphas, Special and otherwise.
"I can't, but it's less about the abilities and more an existential crisis for me. I'm not even the right goddamn species anymore," he complains. Yeah, he misses his abilities but not because they make his life easier. He misses them because they're a part of him and always have been save the week or so when Kate had managed to rob him of them before he'd evolved and gotten everything back and then some. It's harder for him to function this way because while some people might see his werewolf senses as a special ability, he doesn't. He sees them as his senses the way they should be and almost always have been. He feels disabled now, his senses being all simultaneously dulled; his body weaker and more frail. He didn't get his abilities through a bite. He's always had them. It feels like a huge piece of himself has been taken away and he's not really sure how to put that into words to anyone other than Alcide who, like Derek, is a wolf and knows exactly the feeling. So he doesn't. He leaves it at the prior statement and sighs.
It actually takes effort for him not to roll his eyes. Human senses are fucking worthless, in his opinion. He can barely hear a goddamn thing, he can't smell anything unless it's right on top of him. Worthless. "I guess. I haven't had a choice for quite a while so it's what I've been doing," he says with a heavy frown.
Though when she continues, Derek shakes his head. "No...that's okay, I'm trying to do this through the Computer so it'll be sanctioned. I don't want to sneak around getting food for myself and the people I care about, I want everyone to have food, because everyone should have food. The only way it'll ever happen is if someone can prove to the Computer that it's a necessity and that's exactly what I'm going to do," he says, his voice firm but neutral. If he has to do this bullshit testing for the next several years then that's what he'll do, but he's determined to make it happen. "They can have their stupid caste system for housing and wealth, but food isn't a luxury and shouldn't be treated as such. So I'm going to change it and I don't care how long it takes me."
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"I can't, but it's less about the abilities and more an existential crisis for me. I'm not even the right goddamn species anymore," he complains. Yeah, he misses his abilities but not because they make his life easier. He misses them because they're a part of him and always have been save the week or so when Kate had managed to rob him of them before he'd evolved and gotten everything back and then some. It's harder for him to function this way because while some people might see his werewolf senses as a special ability, he doesn't. He sees them as his senses the way they should be and almost always have been. He feels disabled now, his senses being all simultaneously dulled; his body weaker and more frail. He didn't get his abilities through a bite. He's always had them. It feels like a huge piece of himself has been taken away and he's not really sure how to put that into words to anyone other than Alcide who, like Derek, is a wolf and knows exactly the feeling. So he doesn't. He leaves it at the prior statement and sighs.
It actually takes effort for him not to roll his eyes. Human senses are fucking worthless, in his opinion. He can barely hear a goddamn thing, he can't smell anything unless it's right on top of him. Worthless. "I guess. I haven't had a choice for quite a while so it's what I've been doing," he says with a heavy frown.
Though when she continues, Derek shakes his head. "No...that's okay, I'm trying to do this through the Computer so it'll be sanctioned. I don't want to sneak around getting food for myself and the people I care about, I want everyone to have food, because everyone should have food. The only way it'll ever happen is if someone can prove to the Computer that it's a necessity and that's exactly what I'm going to do," he says, his voice firm but neutral. If he has to do this bullshit testing for the next several years then that's what he'll do, but he's determined to make it happen. "They can have their stupid caste system for housing and wealth, but food isn't a luxury and shouldn't be treated as such. So I'm going to change it and I don't care how long it takes me."