He's not the only one incapable of understanding subtle hints most of the time. She tends to be obtuse, too caught up in her internal dilemmas to pay too much attention to a lot of the subtleties going on around her. That's part of the issue going on now. Derek isn't necessarily running in circles. Katniss isn't Felicity; while she feels strongly for both Gale and Peeta, neither boy is here. Her last memories of really having a chance to talk to them, a chance that didn't involve screaming or pleading or desperate kisses in sewer systems, involve more confusion than any definite emotions. Who would improve her survival? Did they really see her as someone that cold-hearted?
Of course they did. She meant it when she said that she's not used to being likable. Even the two boys that professed to love her saw her as the kind of person who would be calculating when it came to choosing between them. Is it all that surprising that she expects the same of Derek? It's practically all that she knows.
His wager wouldn't be that far off the mark. It embarrasses her that she's physically attracted to Derek. Then again, anything related to sexuality tends to make her extremely uncomfortable. Katniss remembers that one kiss they shared and how good it had made her feel as soon as Derek heated it. But it is more than that. It's the sort of thing that connected her to Peeta even though that had probably been a mistake too. Derek understands. He gets it. And there's a kind of safety in that that she craves. If she lets him nurture those emotions, it's entirely possible they would lead to something more - not that Katniss fully realizes that.
If she's being honest, she doesn't know what she wants Derek to say either. That doesn't stop her from scowling at him as soon as he admits it. That's not the answer she wants even if she doesn't know what she wants and Katniss doesn't hesitate in letting him know. There's nothing she feels as if she has to hide from him. Despite not being likable, he seems to like her. Neither of them are drugged right now and yet he's holding her close. She has her arms wrapped around his neck and they sway side to side, cheek to cheek. And even as he tells her hard truths that Katniss doesn't want to hear, she doesn't move away.
Stop living in the past. Is that what she's doing? Clinging to those mistakes she made in Panem, to those glitches the computer tried to convince her were just that, to excuse herself from forming any attachments here? Prim appeared but that's no guarantee any of the others will. There's no guarantee the past will relieve itself either, and she'll hurt people simply by being herself. She might never be able to leave Alpha Complex. Home... has been razed to the ground thanks to President Snow. Yet, for all his advice makes sense, Katniss is feeling ornery and stubborn.
So she pulls her head away just enough to be able to meet his gaze. They're a lot alike, her and Derek. And she wonders if she's the only one these words are meant to convince right now. Is he having the same problems? Her eyes aren't cold but there's still a steeliness to it as she tries to hide her uncertainty. She fails miserably at that.
Quietly, "What if I can't? Or I don't know how?" Katniss takes a deep breath, not looking away or letting go. "What did you do to embrace it?"
no subject
Of course they did. She meant it when she said that she's not used to being likable. Even the two boys that professed to love her saw her as the kind of person who would be calculating when it came to choosing between them. Is it all that surprising that she expects the same of Derek? It's practically all that she knows.
His wager wouldn't be that far off the mark. It embarrasses her that she's physically attracted to Derek. Then again, anything related to sexuality tends to make her extremely uncomfortable. Katniss remembers that one kiss they shared and how good it had made her feel as soon as Derek heated it. But it is more than that. It's the sort of thing that connected her to Peeta even though that had probably been a mistake too. Derek understands. He gets it. And there's a kind of safety in that that she craves. If she lets him nurture those emotions, it's entirely possible they would lead to something more - not that Katniss fully realizes that.
If she's being honest, she doesn't know what she wants Derek to say either. That doesn't stop her from scowling at him as soon as he admits it. That's not the answer she wants even if she doesn't know what she wants and Katniss doesn't hesitate in letting him know. There's nothing she feels as if she has to hide from him. Despite not being likable, he seems to like her. Neither of them are drugged right now and yet he's holding her close. She has her arms wrapped around his neck and they sway side to side, cheek to cheek. And even as he tells her hard truths that Katniss doesn't want to hear, she doesn't move away.
Stop living in the past. Is that what she's doing? Clinging to those mistakes she made in Panem, to those glitches the computer tried to convince her were just that, to excuse herself from forming any attachments here? Prim appeared but that's no guarantee any of the others will. There's no guarantee the past will relieve itself either, and she'll hurt people simply by being herself. She might never be able to leave Alpha Complex. Home... has been razed to the ground thanks to President Snow. Yet, for all his advice makes sense, Katniss is feeling ornery and stubborn.
So she pulls her head away just enough to be able to meet his gaze. They're a lot alike, her and Derek. And she wonders if she's the only one these words are meant to convince right now. Is he having the same problems? Her eyes aren't cold but there's still a steeliness to it as she tries to hide her uncertainty. She fails miserably at that.
Quietly, "What if I can't? Or I don't know how?" Katniss takes a deep breath, not looking away or letting go. "What did you do to embrace it?"