Katniss hasn't forgotten that Derek wanted to talk once they were both feeling more themselves again. She also hadn't forgotten how little persuasion it had ultimately taken Derek to dance with her. Or how what might have started as something to appease her seemed to turn into something that he actually enjoyed. Most of all, she hadn't forgotten the way he had kissed her back and the way it had made her body hunger for something other than food. No matter how hard she tries, she's never going to be able to forget a kiss like that.
But it hadn't been her. Derek had been right in saying they hadn't been themselves. She had been some other girl. A girl that she'll never be if she manages to avoid any other drugged foods. She doesn't want to subject Derek to the girl she really is. That girl is only good at hurting other people; exactly as she's doing now.
Every now and then, when she thinks Derek's too preoccupied to look in her direction, she glances in his. He doesn't look all that happy and it's easy to imagine that she's probably the result. Who'd want to be kissed by her to begin with? He's probably angry at her and Katniss wouldn't blame him one bit. She'd be furious if someone randomly kissed her, too. That Derek doesn't approach her for most of the day isn't that much of a surprise to her. He's probably changed his mind about wanting to talk. She doesn't blame him. Katniss wouldn't want to talk to her either.
The odds never exactly stay in her favor though. They make it through most of the day without talking but towards the end of their shift, as she finishes up with her last client, Derek approaches. Her face pales as he approaches but as tempting as it is to run, Katniss stays put.
He speaks and speaks and though Katniss knows she should say something in return, the words escape her. She's not good at this. She's not good at talking or emotions or figuring out anything about yesterday aside from how mortified she is. Her sister died - her sister died in a rebellion Katniss helped to cause - and she had spent her day kissing other boys and dancing. What kind of person is she? Why should anyone be this kind to her?
She swallows hard and shakes her head. "You're right. You're better off not knowing me."
no subject
But it hadn't been her. Derek had been right in saying they hadn't been themselves. She had been some other girl. A girl that she'll never be if she manages to avoid any other drugged foods. She doesn't want to subject Derek to the girl she really is. That girl is only good at hurting other people; exactly as she's doing now.
Every now and then, when she thinks Derek's too preoccupied to look in her direction, she glances in his. He doesn't look all that happy and it's easy to imagine that she's probably the result. Who'd want to be kissed by her to begin with? He's probably angry at her and Katniss wouldn't blame him one bit. She'd be furious if someone randomly kissed her, too. That Derek doesn't approach her for most of the day isn't that much of a surprise to her. He's probably changed his mind about wanting to talk. She doesn't blame him. Katniss wouldn't want to talk to her either.
The odds never exactly stay in her favor though. They make it through most of the day without talking but towards the end of their shift, as she finishes up with her last client, Derek approaches. Her face pales as he approaches but as tempting as it is to run, Katniss stays put.
He speaks and speaks and though Katniss knows she should say something in return, the words escape her. She's not good at this. She's not good at talking or emotions or figuring out anything about yesterday aside from how mortified she is. Her sister died - her sister died in a rebellion Katniss helped to cause - and she had spent her day kissing other boys and dancing. What kind of person is she? Why should anyone be this kind to her?
She swallows hard and shakes her head. "You're right. You're better off not knowing me."