Maybe that's half the problem, Derek thinks. He can link A to B to C, and that's what makes everything in his head so goddamn terrible. He wonders if that's why he fought them so hard to keep the memories, because the horrible nature of them is what makes Derek who he is, and even if that means he's a monster, those experiences define him. Without all of that pain; without all the loss, who is Derek Hale? Because he feels so disconnected from the person he was before the fire that he barely recognizes himself in those memories at all.

Or maybe he stayed there fighting because he was punishing himself for all the mistakes he's made along the way, leaving so many bodies in his wake and so much blood, both directly and indirectly, on his hands. The incredulity on Stiles's face tells him that maybe it was overkill, if the latter is the reason.

"What do you remember?" he asks. "About home?"