Steve definitely makes Tony feel a good share of emotions, and draws out of him a good amount of reactions out of him, that he couldn't have expected. Tony never believed that this would ever be a fling, or a quick relationship between them. Hell, Tony himself refused to even contemplate this relationship if it meant that. It's just that, despite all of the people he has been with, this feels so new. Something that they're both exploring, and so many things are so unexpected even to him, that he doesn't know what to do with it.
Like this, for example. Steve isn't the first person that has seen his scars and all those signs that give a glimpse of the battles that Tony never speaks about, but he's the first that has taken the time to do this. To put it in so many words. He never doubted Pepper's own love and the way she showed him how much he meant to her, it's just so different, and it's uncharted territory for him as much as it is for Steve.
"Or maybe, you've always had something to live for."
Tony smiles slightly as he brushes his fingers through his hair again, and he gives a small nod. "Maybe. I went a long time without knowing that reason, but...I guess I can't really say you're wrong." Because, while Tony lived his life carelessly and recklessly in every sense of the word - and in a lot of ways he still does - being Iron Man had given him a purpose. He fights for people. He does what he can for those he wants to protect. He'd die for them as needed, without a second thought.
The love that shows in his eyes, though, never leaves his face. "You're part of that reason now, though." You have been, for longer than I've realized. He almost says it, he's even ready to, but he stops before he does so only because Siberia is still something that looms behind them. Behind him, at least, sometimes. He doesn't want to say that and make Steve think that he's putting any sense of guilt on him, because that's not his intention at all, but...it doesn't change the fact that it's the truth.
After all, he still feels paralyzed with fear at the memory of Steve dying, and telling him how he could have done more.
Before his thoughts can drag him to an unpleasant mood, he catches the way that Steve's eyes light up and he can't help but smile. Tony had been ready to stop talking about his scars if Steve didn't want to hear about them, but from what he can see, he actually wants to know what happened.
"I tried to take on a small army when I was going after the people that took my weapons. In the beginning, I mean. Most of my missions were about that, before the team came along. I was on a clean up mission, I didn't... I couldn't let them keep them." For Yinsen. For all the people he let down. All the people that died because of him. Tony still feels that guilt every single day, but he doesn't want to be absolved from it. He doesn't deserve it.
"I got hit pretty hard," he continues. "Hard enough that it...made the suit break and dig into me. I got the job done," he offers with a sort of lopsided grin, as if saying 'hey, it wasn't a total loss!' and a sort of shrug. "Just...earned myself some downtime afterwards."
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Like this, for example. Steve isn't the first person that has seen his scars and all those signs that give a glimpse of the battles that Tony never speaks about, but he's the first that has taken the time to do this. To put it in so many words. He never doubted Pepper's own love and the way she showed him how much he meant to her, it's just so different, and it's uncharted territory for him as much as it is for Steve.
"Or maybe, you've always had something to live for."
Tony smiles slightly as he brushes his fingers through his hair again, and he gives a small nod. "Maybe. I went a long time without knowing that reason, but...I guess I can't really say you're wrong." Because, while Tony lived his life carelessly and recklessly in every sense of the word - and in a lot of ways he still does - being Iron Man had given him a purpose. He fights for people. He does what he can for those he wants to protect. He'd die for them as needed, without a second thought.
The love that shows in his eyes, though, never leaves his face. "You're part of that reason now, though." You have been, for longer than I've realized. He almost says it, he's even ready to, but he stops before he does so only because Siberia is still something that looms behind them. Behind him, at least, sometimes. He doesn't want to say that and make Steve think that he's putting any sense of guilt on him, because that's not his intention at all, but...it doesn't change the fact that it's the truth.
After all, he still feels paralyzed with fear at the memory of Steve dying, and telling him how he could have done more.
Before his thoughts can drag him to an unpleasant mood, he catches the way that Steve's eyes light up and he can't help but smile. Tony had been ready to stop talking about his scars if Steve didn't want to hear about them, but from what he can see, he actually wants to know what happened.
"I tried to take on a small army when I was going after the people that took my weapons. In the beginning, I mean. Most of my missions were about that, before the team came along. I was on a clean up mission, I didn't... I couldn't let them keep them." For Yinsen. For all the people he let down. All the people that died because of him. Tony still feels that guilt every single day, but he doesn't want to be absolved from it. He doesn't deserve it.
"I got hit pretty hard," he continues. "Hard enough that it...made the suit break and dig into me. I got the job done," he offers with a sort of lopsided grin, as if saying 'hey, it wasn't a total loss!' and a sort of shrug. "Just...earned myself some downtime afterwards."