Frowning slightly, Lydia shakes her head. There's more to it than that and she doesn't really know how to wrap her head around it, so she's got no idea how to explain it to someone else. There's a reason she hasn't been completely open about it with Matt, yet, after all.

"No, Allison," she says quietly. "No. I am. I feel it. I don't...understand it, so I can't expect you to either, but just because I didn't actually live any of that stuff yet doesn't mean I don't feel like I did. I still feel it."

And that's the problem, isn't it? She hasn't lived through the things she remembers now, but it feels like she has and that makes things incredibly confusing. Stiles is home and safe. Well. Relatively safe. It's Beacon Hills, so no one is ever really safe there. But the point is that he isn't here and she isn't there. He hasn't actually saved her life. They haven't grown as close as she feels like they have. It's confusing and it's frustrating and she hates not understanding things; it's one of her least favorite things in the world, but there's no amount of research she can do in a library or online that will help her understand better and that's, perhaps, the most frustrating part of all of this.