Derek frowns. "They're not powers, they're who I am. They're what I am," he says. Humans just don't get it, he thinks, and maybe that's fine, but he's already feeling vulnerable knowing that Adam's seen things he shouldn't have, and yet Derek hasn't the option of knowing which things he's seen. Clearly, the werewolf, but Derek's always been more comfortable in that form than in the fake human one he had to maintain to stay alive. That doesn't surprise him.
"What they took from me was what makes me who I am. It'd be like if they turned you into a monkey. That's what they did to me, they made me a weaker version of myself who can't protect himself or anyone he cares about, it's not just about power. It hasn't been for a long time."
Why that word in specific gets under Derek's skin is pretty specific to the fact that he'd been briefly an Alpha for all the wrong reasons, fucked it up and cost people their lives, and learned the hard way that it wasn't power that he wanted and it isn't power that he needs. He'd wanted a family again.
Shaking his head, Derek clears his throat. "I like Ronan," he replies simply. "And I don't know you. You don't hurt the people I care about, to my knowledge, so you're fine by me. So's he." Derek hates the idea that he has to trust this stranger, this skittish, human stranger who Derek can tell is afraid of what he saw whether he wants to admit it or not. It doesn't make Derek feel very confident that the whole goddamn Complex won't know sooner than later what he really is and the worst part is that he won't even have the benefit of the enhanced abilities that come with being a werewolf to protect him from the inevitable response of humans to the knowledge: they will hunt him. His whole life, he'd been hunted. Why should that change here?
Derek's eyes shift up and down over Adam's face. He inhales deeply through his nose by reflex but can't catch the scent because his human nose is worthless. "What did you see?" he finally asks. It's too much not knowing. Did he see Derek snapping Paige's neck? Slashing Peter's throat? Trying to kill Jennifer? Actually killing Boyd?
Did he see those things completely out of context the way Adam's memories were largely if not completely out of context for Derek? If so, it's no wonder he's uneasy. Without context, Derek does look like a monster and he knows it.
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"What they took from me was what makes me who I am. It'd be like if they turned you into a monkey. That's what they did to me, they made me a weaker version of myself who can't protect himself or anyone he cares about, it's not just about power. It hasn't been for a long time."
Why that word in specific gets under Derek's skin is pretty specific to the fact that he'd been briefly an Alpha for all the wrong reasons, fucked it up and cost people their lives, and learned the hard way that it wasn't power that he wanted and it isn't power that he needs. He'd wanted a family again.
Shaking his head, Derek clears his throat. "I like Ronan," he replies simply. "And I don't know you. You don't hurt the people I care about, to my knowledge, so you're fine by me. So's he." Derek hates the idea that he has to trust this stranger, this skittish, human stranger who Derek can tell is afraid of what he saw whether he wants to admit it or not. It doesn't make Derek feel very confident that the whole goddamn Complex won't know sooner than later what he really is and the worst part is that he won't even have the benefit of the enhanced abilities that come with being a werewolf to protect him from the inevitable response of humans to the knowledge: they will hunt him. His whole life, he'd been hunted. Why should that change here?
Derek's eyes shift up and down over Adam's face. He inhales deeply through his nose by reflex but can't catch the scent because his human nose is worthless. "What did you see?" he finally asks. It's too much not knowing. Did he see Derek snapping Paige's neck? Slashing Peter's throat? Trying to kill Jennifer? Actually killing Boyd?
Did he see those things completely out of context the way Adam's memories were largely if not completely out of context for Derek? If so, it's no wonder he's uneasy. Without context, Derek does look like a monster and he knows it.