He knows better than anyone else she's encountered so far and Katniss is still trying to figure out if this is a good thing or not. It's a relief and it's comforting but in her experience, that's not necessarily a good thing. It could lead to false security. Or to something far worse all together, something like attachment. Derek has to sense the same if he understands this much. And yet, he hasn't done anything to try and push her away yet.
That's what Derek should do. He should push her away. But hadn't he said earlier that he couldn't pretend yesterday didn't happen? Hadn't he been unable to answer her soundly when she had asked how he wanted to proceed, given nothing (that she's yet discovered) could wipe the memories from their minds?
It's confusing. He's confusing. And then he trails off and she's remembering another boy in another place and how having his arms around her had helped when nothing else could. It had helped when not even her sister's comfort could tame the nightmares. That boy isn't here. Worse, it's very likely that she had already lost that boy forever - prior to ever even arriving in Alpha Complex. President Snow had made Peeta revile her. He had a few moments of clarity, a few moments when he had been the boy with the bread that Katniss had remembered, as they had raced from death in the Capitol. There's no guarantee those moments would have lasted.
She doesn't answer Derek aloud this time. Instead she takes a deep breath, closing her eyes and doing her best not to let new tears fall. The memories she's been trying to forget are returning at an alarmingly fast and painful rate. She's bound to have fresh nightmares tonight and no one to comfort her because the only person she might stupidly trust is in another room. Katniss doesn't think. She closes the distance between herself and Derek, resting her head on his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist. It's dangerous being this close, but it helps more than she cares to admit.
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That's what Derek should do. He should push her away. But hadn't he said earlier that he couldn't pretend yesterday didn't happen? Hadn't he been unable to answer her soundly when she had asked how he wanted to proceed, given nothing (that she's yet discovered) could wipe the memories from their minds?
It's confusing. He's confusing. And then he trails off and she's remembering another boy in another place and how having his arms around her had helped when nothing else could. It had helped when not even her sister's comfort could tame the nightmares. That boy isn't here. Worse, it's very likely that she had already lost that boy forever - prior to ever even arriving in Alpha Complex. President Snow had made Peeta revile her. He had a few moments of clarity, a few moments when he had been the boy with the bread that Katniss had remembered, as they had raced from death in the Capitol. There's no guarantee those moments would have lasted.
She doesn't answer Derek aloud this time. Instead she takes a deep breath, closing her eyes and doing her best not to let new tears fall. The memories she's been trying to forget are returning at an alarmingly fast and painful rate. She's bound to have fresh nightmares tonight and no one to comfort her because the only person she might stupidly trust is in another room. Katniss doesn't think. She closes the distance between herself and Derek, resting her head on his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist. It's dangerous being this close, but it helps more than she cares to admit.