She catches the look of empathy on Derek's face and this time, Katniss doesn't stop herself from scowling. This isn't what she wants. Empathy or sympathy or anything remotely understanding in nature is not the response Katniss wants to see or hear. She doesn't deserve it. Not for the crimes that she's committed.
But no matter how much she glowers at him, Derek's expression doesn't change. Katniss is completely clueless of the parallels. He hadn't been as serious yesterday as he had been the day before but none of the brief interactions they've had are enough for Katniss to be aware of Derek's past. She wouldn't wish her life, let alone the tragedies, on anyone. It's better that she's unique in this matter.
Apparently she isn't.
His words hurt. They hurt like the burns that supposedly scarred her body rather than steal her life the way they had her sister's. They hurt because they're true. Once again, Derek's telling her the truth. He's not lying to her. He wanted the glitches to be lies as much as she still does. His family is as dead as hers. Most of that is his fault. It's eerily similar and for a few seconds there, Katniss feels like she can't breathe. The tears threaten and she wants to pretend this is all not real. That he is lying to her. Even if he isn't.
She doesn't fight him when he places a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Katniss wants to look away but it's hard. She really wants to look away when he tells her that she isn't a bad person because that's really hard to believe. She is a bad person. Good people don't kill other children. Good people don't get their homes burned down. Good people aren't her. The nightmares prove that. They remind her of all her wrongdoings as much as the glitched memories do during the day. There's no escape.
Swallowing hard, Katniss shakes her head in disagreement. She can't speak aloud; she's too choked up to talk. Tears threaten to fall. This isn't want she wants to hear. She shakes her head again and scowls. She's being weak and it's likely it'll come back to haunt her. But she can't forget the way her sister's body became a human torch. Every time she closes her eyes, she sees that. Punching Derek won't make her feel better but she tries anyway. It's a half-hearted shove that doesn't do anything to keep the tears from falling. They start seconds later.
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But no matter how much she glowers at him, Derek's expression doesn't change. Katniss is completely clueless of the parallels. He hadn't been as serious yesterday as he had been the day before but none of the brief interactions they've had are enough for Katniss to be aware of Derek's past. She wouldn't wish her life, let alone the tragedies, on anyone. It's better that she's unique in this matter.
Apparently she isn't.
His words hurt. They hurt like the burns that supposedly scarred her body rather than steal her life the way they had her sister's. They hurt because they're true. Once again, Derek's telling her the truth. He's not lying to her. He wanted the glitches to be lies as much as she still does. His family is as dead as hers. Most of that is his fault. It's eerily similar and for a few seconds there, Katniss feels like she can't breathe. The tears threaten and she wants to pretend this is all not real. That he is lying to her. Even if he isn't.
She doesn't fight him when he places a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Katniss wants to look away but it's hard. She really wants to look away when he tells her that she isn't a bad person because that's really hard to believe. She is a bad person. Good people don't kill other children. Good people don't get their homes burned down. Good people aren't her. The nightmares prove that. They remind her of all her wrongdoings as much as the glitched memories do during the day. There's no escape.
Swallowing hard, Katniss shakes her head in disagreement. She can't speak aloud; she's too choked up to talk. Tears threaten to fall. This isn't want she wants to hear. She shakes her head again and scowls. She's being weak and it's likely it'll come back to haunt her. But she can't forget the way her sister's body became a human torch. Every time she closes her eyes, she sees that. Punching Derek won't make her feel better but she tries anyway. It's a half-hearted shove that doesn't do anything to keep the tears from falling. They start seconds later.